by Janet

Where am I going?

Is anyone else asking this question lately?

The featured image here is pretty significant, as it struck me in several ways. First, I took the photograph several years ago and—until yesterday—never even knew that the Santa Monica Pier is literally the end of the famous (or maybe not so famous) Route 66.

The historic route started in Illinois (Chicago), ran 2,400 miles westward (across 8 states), and ended in California, at the Pacific Ocean, right where I shot the image. Over time, the original route has been changed and rerouted, so the old Route 66 is no longer “official.” If you plan it right, you can still make the journey across a good portion of it—and there are many cool markers to be found. This is one of them… a sign delineating the End of the Trail. 

Which is ironic, because that’s actually another thing that struck me about the image… the end of the trail. Lately, there are a few things that I’ve thought about giving up, and blogging is one of them. “This image would be ideal for my farewell post,” I said to myself. The end of the road, so to speak. I know that sounds overdramatic, but I really did entertain the idea. 

Sometimes these waves come over me—however fleeting they may be—and I consider throwing in the towel. It feels as though I’m writing “much ado about nothing” and tossing empty words into an even emptier universe; the dark tunnel we call the internet. My words echo as they leave me… FADING… fading…… and then they disappear, never to return. 

For one thing, the things that I write about have morphed dramatically over time. The reason for coming aboard in the first place was to share my story of finding God and recovering from alcoholism. That story has been told. It’s preserved in time, WAY back in my archives, and there are many other bloggers out there—just like me—telling the same story. We’ve done it! We’re doing it… every day.

As for the present, I’m not an evangelist, or an apologist, and I have no education in theology, so I try to be VERY careful with my words about my faith. Someone was too quick to hint around about my errors, and I was deeply saddened by that. So… I’ve stuck to the philosophy that “living my life as I now live it” is continuous (and rather convincing) evidence of my walk of faith. And I am still sober and forever grateful for this new life.

And then I considered my New Lifestyle, New Me project. I LOVE the idea, and I’m very enthusiastic about it, but already it’s a struggle. Off to a rough start you might say. Who would have thought that the quarantine would alter our lives so drastically just as I set sail on my new adventure! Not to mention the fact that it’s embarrassing to share my thoughts along this journey, because my thoughts —like everything else in life—are ever changing. I can only imagine that trying to keep up with the wanderings of my mind is an exhausting task. 

So… Where AM I going? What am I to make of all of this? Today, writing about all of this feels good—because I’m actually getting somewhere.

No. 1 Look Outward

The first thing I see from my observations is that my lack of knowledge about the significance of that Route 66 marker is an analogy, of sorts, for my introversion. My tendency to look inward for insights and inspiration is a hindrance at times. I’m always missing out on things—things that are going on all around me—because I’m hyper focused on that odd little world that lives inside of me. Talk about a dark tunnel through an empty universe. Ha-Ha! 

I’m going to work on changing that. Rather than allowing this pandemic to bury me even deeper inside of myself… I’m going to reach out more. Less thinking and talking—more watching, looking, listening, and doing. 

No. 2 The Curse of the All or Nothing

The other thing—the really exciting thing—is the other analogy that I notice, that relates to my blogging experience, and my New Lifestyle, New Me project. If things aren’t working for me, my first inclination is always “walk away!” The changing and re-routing of the old Route 66 speaks volumes to me here. The journey is still possible, it just looks different. The road is not CLOSED, it’s just been altered.  

Having an “all or nothing” attitude toward everything has done nothing but get me into trouble—for the better part of my life. I want to DO IT BIG, or DO NOTHING. It’s so hard for me to find the middle of the road, that space in between—where perfect balance exists. But that’s exactly what is needed right now. Rather than shutting it all down, all I really need to do is some altering and re-routing, just like they did with old Route 66.

This is not the end of the trail. It’s the beginning!

Thank you for reading if you made it all the way down. I’m thrilled that these were not just empty words today—they were from my heart.

God Bless!
—Janet

27 Comments

  1. Hi Janet
    I feel you completely- I take my queues from the rhythm and Beaty of nature and that there’s got to be some gray
    There’s so much more that is either being kept from us and/or can’t perceive clearly

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you John. Well… honestly, there are a few posts that I so wish would fall away that I literally go back later and delete them. Haha! It’s best not to express moods sometimes, or speak gibberish, but I’ve been guilty of doing both of these things and more. But we’re only human!!

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  3. Great post Janet, about your words: “It’s so hard for me to find the middle of the road, that space in between—where perfect balance exists”, for me the perfect balance does not exist, it depends on each one of us trying to balance the dish, sometimes they hang to one side and sometimes to the other, and so we will live one day at a time. Try to practice meditation to get to know you better. As you know you have fought many battles, I consider you a warrior. You have to be well with yourself, it’s your way …
    Take care and be safe!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Paulo your comment was beautiful. I think meditation would be so helpful and it’s something I’ve considered. Love the warrior idea. I think you may be right. Thank you so much. You stay well too please!! ❤❤

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  4. You can always re-route your journey, but I really hope you don’t close the route and stop blogging. You are one of my favorite voices on WordPress and we’d be truly missing your creativity and insights if you stopped! Look outward, strive for balance but keep writing your beautiful thoughts and sharing your lovely images! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you Collette. I would miss you too (as my previous note to you might indicate)!! I won’t close it but yes… hurrah for finding balance. ❤❤🙏

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  5. Yes, please keep going! I have enjoyed connecting with you and reading your posts, though I have a lot to catch up on! In 2009, we visited Santa Monica Pier and I’ve always wanted to travel down Route 66, but haven’t been able to yet. I had NO idea we were at the end when we were at the pier! That’s something I learned just by reading this post of yours! I’m looking forward to your continued posts!

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    1. Awww thank you Lori! I want to travel it too! I was thinking that when I was writing. I’m not giving up, just adjusting things. I enjoy reading your posts too. We have similar interests!

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  7. So often I find similarities to my own life, journey, etc when reading your posts. As I read the beginning, that you were thinking about quitting blogging–my immediate response was NO, You Can’t!! Selfish reader, I know 🙂 But having opened and quit a zillion blogs, I can hardly advise against leaving our odd little virtual world here.. So–I would support Anything you wanted to do ❤ I definitely know about All or Nothing–it goes along with our recent comments about "expectations"…it can push you over the cliff, and that's not good 🙂 There's a middle ground…maybe it's like some days you can strive for ALL, then take a break the next day–like exercise, right? As for writing about our faith, our very individual relationship with God, the journey/adventure–I'm so sorry if you've felt criticized by someone, and it hindered you from writing about that topic. At this point in my life, I'm going boldly all-in–and I don't expect there will be many readers and comments on my faith posts. But then there aren't crowds reading the more secular ones either–and I'm just content to continue merrily on my way 🙂 I'm over-jabbering, sorry–it's nearly 3 am.

    What I want to say is that I love you, and support whatever healthy choices you make. It's difficult to stop being introspective–I gave up. And I think my efforts to "reach outside my little world within" come from what flourishes in that inner world. I could be wrong, but that's how it feels now, in the wee hours. I'm now heading to the kitchen for a food break 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Z! I do see that we’re kindred spirits of sorts. Thank you for every word here. Every bit of it made sense to me. I’m still thinking things over as to what to do next. I’ll probably never simply quit blogging… the waves pass and I’d certainly never erase what I’ve already done (well, most of it). As for faith, I am trying to come up with a way to share it without sounding preachy. Just my thoughts, or ideas, or victories- that are entertaining to the secular as well… like a few of my favorite writers. I don’t know. I’ll get there. I have a lot more thoughts and they’ll probably end up on an upcoming post or two so I won’t go on and on here haha!! I love you too Z and thank you for letting me know I’m not alone in ALL of these feelings, and that maybe my little inner world isn’t as bad (or weird) as I imagine sometimes. xoxo

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    2. Avoiding “preachy” was the tricky part for me, in sharing about faith. I don’t know if I’ve succeeded, as no one has mentioned it 🙂 But I’d be interested in your opinion, if you care to offer it.

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Thank you so much, Janet. I try to remember that since God gave people free will, I have to offer the same grace. I do have a “green light” to say, “this is my faith experience–and it’s been great, so I’m sharing it”. I’m blessed to have the Lord as my “writing partner”–He’s been faithful to edit as needed 🙂 Many thanks, ‘Sister’, and much love ❤

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    8. Yes, I certainly can’t be judge of how people act, or what is right and wrong…not in my “job description” 🙂 Though I admit that sometimes I wince when–from the vantage point of old age wisdom–I hear/see people making choices that will likely come back to bite them, yikes.

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  8. I love all these comments from my fellow readers and couldn’t agree more. Your blog is beautiful!

    This pandemic has brought introspection for many of us whether we wanted it or not – haha.

    Introspection is a wonderful place to be but I’m always vigilant not to stay there too long. It’s a trap for rumination.

    Love your Route 66 analogy and taking it as it comes is a priceless lesson for living in the moment.

    Keep recording your journey. We love reading it. You’re not alone❣️🤗

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    1. Thank you Teri! A trap for rumination is it! Exactly. That’s what I realize. The more time I spend there the harder I am on myself. Thank you for so much encouragement!! 😘❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Amazing…
    This may be slightly unrelated and weird, but maybe life is the universe trying to experience itself??
    And your words are incredible- they do not just fall away into nothing… 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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