Tag / Honesty

by Janet

Where am I going?

Is anyone else asking this question lately?

The featured image here is pretty significant, as it struck me in several ways. First, I took the photograph several years ago and—until yesterday—never even knew that the Santa Monica Pier is literally the end of the famous (or maybe not so famous) Route 66.

The historic route started in Illinois (Chicago), ran 2,400 miles westward (across 8 states), and ended in California, at the Pacific Ocean, right where I shot the image. Over time, the original route has been changed and rerouted, so the old Route 66 is no longer “official.” If you plan it right, you can still make the journey across a good portion of it—and there are many cool markers to be found. This is one of them… a sign delineating the End of the Trail. 

Which is ironic, because that’s actually another thing that struck me about the image… the end of the trail. Lately, there are a few things that I’ve thought about giving up, and blogging is one of them. “This image would be ideal for my farewell post,” I said to myself. The end of the road, so to speak. I know that sounds overdramatic, but I really did entertain the idea. 

Sometimes these waves come over me—however fleeting they may be—and I consider throwing in the towel. It feels as though I’m writing “much ado about nothing” and tossing empty words into an even emptier universe; the dark tunnel we call the internet. My words echo as they leave me… FADING… fading…… and then they disappear, never to return. 

For one thing, the things that I write about have morphed dramatically over time. The reason for coming aboard in the first place was to share my story of finding God and recovering from alcoholism. That story has been told. It’s preserved in time, WAY back in my archives, and there are many other bloggers out there—just like me—telling the same story. We’ve done it! We’re doing it… every day.

As for the present, I’m not an evangelist, or an apologist, and I have no education in theology, so I try to be VERY careful with my words about my faith. Someone was too quick to hint around about my errors, and I was deeply saddened by that. So… I’ve stuck to the philosophy that “living my life as I now live it” is continuous (and rather convincing) evidence of my walk of faith. And I am still sober and forever grateful for this new life.

And then I considered my New Lifestyle, New Me project. I LOVE the idea, and I’m very enthusiastic about it, but already it’s a struggle. Off to a rough start you might say. Who would have thought that the quarantine would alter our lives so drastically just as I set sail on my new adventure! Not to mention the fact that it’s embarrassing to share my thoughts along this journey, because my thoughts —like everything else in life—are ever changing. I can only imagine that trying to keep up with the wanderings of my mind is an exhausting task. 

So… Where AM I going? What am I to make of all of this? Today, writing about all of this feels good—because I’m actually getting somewhere.

No. 1 Look Outward

The first thing I see from my observations is that my lack of knowledge about the significance of that Route 66 marker is an analogy, of sorts, for my introversion. My tendency to look inward for insights and inspiration is a hindrance at times. I’m always missing out on things—things that are going on all around me—because I’m hyper focused on that odd little world that lives inside of me. Talk about a dark tunnel through an empty universe. Ha-Ha! 

I’m going to work on changing that. Rather than allowing this pandemic to bury me even deeper inside of myself… I’m going to reach out more. Less thinking and talking—more watching, looking, listening, and doing. 

No. 2 The Curse of the All or Nothing

The other thing—the really exciting thing—is the other analogy that I notice, that relates to my blogging experience, and my New Lifestyle, New Me project. If things aren’t working for me, my first inclination is always “walk away!” The changing and re-routing of the old Route 66 speaks volumes to me here. The journey is still possible, it just looks different. The road is not CLOSED, it’s just been altered.  

Having an “all or nothing” attitude toward everything has done nothing but get me into trouble—for the better part of my life. I want to DO IT BIG, or DO NOTHING. It’s so hard for me to find the middle of the road, that space in between—where perfect balance exists. But that’s exactly what is needed right now. Rather than shutting it all down, all I really need to do is some altering and re-routing, just like they did with old Route 66.

This is not the end of the trail. It’s the beginning!

Thank you for reading if you made it all the way down. I’m thrilled that these were not just empty words today—they were from my heart.

God Bless!
—Janet

by Janet

Unraveling

The chaotic bold,

Hides her shadow.

Underneath this bravado,

She shrinks.

Her quilted facade,

Is unraveling,

And soon…

She will be revealed.

As I was putting this post together, I realized a couple of things. First of all, I’m not comfortable writing words that aren’t bursting with sunshine and happiness (except for my occasional rants, or whispers of self-doubt). Let’s say it another way. This poem is not about me. Ha! It did, however, remind me of what I’ve mentioned before, about feeling like an impostor at times. That being said, maybe the piece was constructed by my subconscious mind.

Secondly, although the featured image started out as a total abstract (which was originally some very blurry lights), after thinking about the poem I did an alteration—and now I can’t resist the urge to share it with you! If you didn’t notice already, there IS a girl curled up in there; the woman who’s unraveling. So, now that I’ve told you… I guess it’s not so abstract after all.

I hope you’re able to see her, and not just a blob. I was going to make her even more subtle—and not say anything at all—but then, what’s the point? And I’m not so sure I like her there. I’ve saved my original, so it may come back another day, with a different (more uplifting) message.

That’s about all for now. Peace & Love!!

Word of the Day Challenge: Quilt
RDP Tuesday: Bravado

by Janet

My 3 Keys to Happiness

Happiness. What a great word.

I perused the web to see what people had to say about the “Keys to Happiness.” It was an interesting experiment, because everyone had different opinions. People have their own ideas about what makes them happy, or what happiness even means.

That being said, I decided it would be fun to use my “H” words to express my keys to happiness (in less than 500 words). The disclaimer here is that these are ‘my own’ ideas, and I’m limiting it to words that begin with the letter “H.”

1. Honesty

Honesty is huge. In recovery, for example, you need to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. To take that one step further, you need to admit to God, yourself, and another human being, the exact nature of your wrongs. It’s not always easy, but it opens the door to honest self-reflection.

Personally, these steps were life changing. They opened my eyes to the fact that not only am I incredibly flawed, but that—and here is an honest key to my own happiness—other people’s flaws are not my business. For far too long I wanted to fix the people around me. Not because I was a selfless individual, but because I believed that “their flaws” were what stood between me and my own happiness.

Be honest with others and—by all means—with yourself.

 “Every lie is two lies, the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.”

Robert Brault

2. Humor

When I’m feeling really cruddy, one of the first things I notice is that my sense of humor is missing. I’m not really sure where it goes… but it hides out. I have to go digging through the muck to find it, yank it by its leash, and bring it back into the open.

I’ll never forget a poem I read, by Frank Solanki, called Repetition. My immediate thought was “Oh my God, that’s me!” In the blogging world, sometimes I worry that my posts are repetitious.

I’m saying the same things… over and over, and changing up the way in which I say them. It’s easy to get caught in that vortex of worry. Frank’s poem made me forget my worries, and just laugh. It reminded me not to take everything so seriously.

Say what you want, and do what feels right. If you’re not tearing someone else down, or being grossly negative, it’s all good. Just remember to laugh.

“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”

Yiddish Proverb

3. Hugs

They say that hugs have many health benefits; they can reduce stress, improve immunity, and lower your risk of heart disease, to name a few.

I haven’t done my own research, but I know for a fact that hugs boost my happiness. I’m a HUGE hugger. Being somewhat introverted, sometimes words fail me… but I’ve never hesitated to reach out and offer a hug.

“Hugging is a silent way of saying you matter to me.”

Anonymous

So, there you have it. My three “H” keys to happiness: Honesty, Humor & Hugs.

Thanks for reading! I hope you found some enjoyment here, and that you’ve already discovered your own keys to happiness.

See you around soon for the letter “I.”

Peace & love!
—Janet