And Other Lies I Tell Myself

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A SHORT STORY

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I’m not going to beat around the bush. It’s time to bite the bullet and get it out of my system.

To make a long story short… I was waiting in line at the grocery store this afternoon, minding my own business, and this old woman sneaks up behind me and yells “A penny for your thoughts!” 

She was barking up the wrong tree because pennies are my business. “A penny saved is a penny earned!” I shouted back at her. 

“Whoa, easy does it.” she exclaimed. “I was just trying to break the ice.”

I didn’t know what to say. I’d been feeling under the weather since morning, and to make matters worse, I was about to purchase a chicken that cost me an arm and a leg. I figured I’d better cut her some slack, because things tend to get out of hand quickly lately, what with the virus and all.

“Sorry,” I replied. “Please take it with a grain of salt. I’m just upset because I got out of the house late today, and you know what they say… the early bird gets the worm.”

“Hang in there,” she said. “You didn’t miss the boat. You’re here now, and it’s better late than never!” 

“You can say that again,” I replied. “And another thing that gets me is that I can’t believe how expensive this chicken is!” 

As she rested her hand on my shopping cart to help keep her from tipping over, the old woman leaned in and whispered, “Oh honey… don’t cry over spilled milk. Besides, didn’t your momma tell you that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

I smiled and moved forward to set my items on the conveyor belt. As I reached for my eggs, the top came loose and the whole carton started to tumble. I hate the way they’re always cutting corners. Those egg cartons are so flimsy. I understand they’re trying to help the environment and all, but they need to go back to the drawing board. I mean, it’s not rocket science! 

Anyway, this handsome young bagging clerk came rushing around the cart, and would you believe that he managed to catch that carton in mid-air, just before it hit the ground? He was really on the ball!  

“Wow,” I said, batting my eyelashes in the most flirtatious manner, “That was a close call. Go figure, too, because normally I don’t put all of my eggs in one basket.

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.” he said, winking as he grinned. 

I decided to do something at the drop of a hat. “Would you care to join me for brunch?” I asked. My face felt flush and I knew that I’d bitten off more than I could chew. 

“Oh, sorry ma’am,” he answered. “I’m working all night, but I’ll take a rain check.”

I decided to throw caution to the wind. Handing him my business card, I purposely brushed my hand against his. “The ball is in your court.”

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Wow, time flies when you’re having fun.

I need to hit the sack, but I’ll be back later to finish my story.

Until then,
Sleep tight!

To be continued…