Tag / comedy

by Janet

Phony Baloney

The “Real” NFT
(Nonrefundable Fungible Token)

First of all, greetings everyone! I have been away for awhile and thought it was time to pop in and say hello and (hopefully) add some humor to your day.

To be honest and transparent here (no phony baloney), I have been a little off these days. Seriously, I think it’s something like the post-pandemic blues. I lost my passion and ambition for everything just about the time I posted here last time, which is why I’ve been offline. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was exciting me anymore.

So, I thought I’d try something new and start checking out the crypto scene. I actually started doing that long before this, but this time I decided to check out the many ways that you can earn crypto by playing games, watching ads, completing surveys and so on. On my first go round I spent quite a bit of time doing whatever I had to do and I was pretty pleased (NOT) to get my very first payout – a little Bitcoin to the tune of 32cents USD. Woo-Hoo!

It’s gotten better as my son is always on the lookout for the latest and greatest gimmick, so we’ve found some that pay a wee bit more. That being said, everyone is always telling me I should start creating NFT’s and to be honest I don’t have the energy to figure it out. I might “someday,” but for now I’m just not into it.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to create my own phony baloney NFT’s just for giggles. They’re not the Non Fungible Tokens though, they are the Nonrefundable Fungible kind. Ha! So… allow me to introduce you to Phony Baloney – the baloney that thinks he’s a hot dog. This was just my starter piece so it’s raw (not cooked), but I wanted to make my first so I could see how it felt and it was actually great because it got me laughing. Laughter is such good medicine!

I don’t know if you’ve seen the Bored Ape series, I think everyone has by now, but that’s kind of where I got my inspiration. Each time I work on a new one (which I will never promise to do), I’ll perfect him just a little more. And every new Phony Baloney will be different – this week his theme is “The Boxer.” Let me know your thoughts! Is it worth continuing or should I just move on?

In Other News

To kind of reiterate where I was before the blues settled down on me, I had started working on my short story again and suddenly I couldn’t stand to think about it anymore. That’s when the ball got rolling. I quit my Screenwriting class because he wanted us to watch too many movies and pick out plot points (or beats, as he called them) and to be honest I really don’t love to watch movies that often. I started thinking… “now, why in the hell would I want to write a movie when I don’t even really WATCH them?!” That was the next thing that got me down.

Then there’s family problems and my mom’s back started acting up and… yada yada yada. OH, and I had NO desire to draw or take photos or alter images either. To top it off, the spring semester is ending in one week and all I’ve been able to think about is how badly I want a summer break because I am schoooooled out. It’s been a LONG journey (studying since 2017), and it’s time to switch gears and do something new for summer. My plan is to help my mom spruce up the house because cleanliness and reorganizing always make me feel refreshed – and it will make my mom feel good too!

Sorry for the long personal boring story here. I actually thought it would be good to vent about it because I have to wonder if other people are feeling the trickling effects of the pandemic. It’s so strange that I’m taking classes to be a counselor/therapist, and we never talk about COVID. It is my biggest guess that the ripple is just starting and there will be a lot of people finding it hard to go back to “normal” or to even figure out what “normal” is anymore – but so far it’s not something we discuss in a therapy class and I just find that a little odd.

But, that’s another story for another day. Right now I’m just happy to have my first fake “NFT” out, and I hope that Mr. Baloney the Boxer makes you smile.

That’s about all for now. I’m hoping to get out and about in the blog-a-verse and see what you all have been up to while I was away… so I’ll see you when I visit!

Peace & Love!

“No matter how you slice it, it’s still baloney.”

Author Unknown
by Janet

Idioms: Part II

The Conclusion

A SHORT STORY
In case you missed it, here is Part I

Once in a blue moon things happen that surprise me. I figured there was a snowball’s chance in hell that he’d call. I mean, the kid was gorgeous and I was sure he had bigger fish to fry. So, imagine my surprise when the phone rang. I was on cloud nine.

I didn’t mince words either. I gave him my address and told him to come visit after work. It’d been a decade since I had dated, so I figured that ship had sailed. Needless to say I started feeling nervous, but I told myself to be cool… surely it’s like riding a bicycle. Things would all come back to me.

Well, when it rains it pours. The night was a disaster. Talk about the perfect storm. First, he showed up late, and I’m a real stickler about tardiness. He started sweet-talking me with excuses and apologies, and I told him that actions speak louder than words. 

We decided to call it a truce, and we sat down to get to know each other better. We had just met that morning, after all, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After some excellent conversation, he leaned over and kissed me softly on the cheek.

“You’re a sweet lady,” he said. “You remind me of my mother.”

Well, that was the last straw. My face turned red, my head started spinning, and I knew the night was going down in flames. I guess it’s not all his fault, it takes two to tango after all. I should have known the age difference was too extreme. I don’t even know what I was thinking… your guess is as good as mine.

“Obviously you’re not playing with a full deck,” I cried. “You don’t say that to someone you’re about to sleep with! Besides… you can’t judge a book by its cover, you know.”

“Are you off your rocker? He squealed as he opened the door, “I just wanted to talk!” 

The door slammed, rattling the pictures in my hallway as they always do. And there I was, sitting alone in my living room, lit only by candlelight, feeling like a fool.

After a night like that, I was certain that I’d wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. But I actually started the day in a good mood and I know that every cloud has its silver lining.

I put my foot in the shallow end and took a chance. It wasn’t the best date I’ve ever had, but it was a blessing in disguise. You know how the old saying goes, “no pain, no gain.” It’s like exercising… the more you do it, the easier it gets. I’m not as afraid as I was before, and I sure as hell know that there are other fish in the sea. Next time I’ll just be sure to look before I leap.

And check his ID.

Anyway, I think the key in this dating thing is patience… 

Slow and steady wins the race, and good things come to those who wait.

Until next time,
Stay blessed!

My featured image for Part I was a bit of an afterthought, and not really original, so I decided to use one of my own illustrations for Part II. I post things on Facebook from time to time, and I had posted this one there – but I’ve never shared it on the blog. I thought it would be perfect for the conclusion of my story. Although I’m not real sure it’s concluded yet. I have piles of idioms left, and my protagonist has a lot of life left in her!

Honestly, this has been a REALLY fun writing experiment. I thought I would share a link to the site that lists a bunch of idioms, in case anyone is interested in some idiom fun. I will say that it got me thinking!

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed!!

by Janet

A Bunch of Idioms:

And Other Lies I Tell Myself

A SHORT STORY

I’m not going to beat around the bush. It’s time to bite the bullet and get it out of my system.

To make a long story short… I was waiting in line at the grocery store this afternoon, minding my own business, and this old woman sneaks up behind me and yells “A penny for your thoughts!” 

She was barking up the wrong tree because pennies are my business. “A penny saved is a penny earned!” I shouted back at her. 

“Whoa, easy does it.” she exclaimed. “I was just trying to break the ice.”

I didn’t know what to say. I’d been feeling under the weather since morning, and to make matters worse, I was about to purchase a chicken that cost me an arm and a leg. I figured I’d better cut her some slack, because things tend to get out of hand quickly lately, what with the virus and all.

“Sorry,” I replied. “Please take it with a grain of salt. I’m just upset because I got out of the house late today, and you know what they say… the early bird gets the worm.”

“Hang in there,” she said. “You didn’t miss the boat. You’re here now, and it’s better late than never!” 

“You can say that again,” I replied. “And another thing that gets me is that I can’t believe how expensive this chicken is!” 

As she rested her hand on my shopping cart to help keep her from tipping over, the old woman leaned in and whispered, “Oh honey… don’t cry over spilled milk. Besides, didn’t your momma tell you that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

I smiled and moved forward to set my items on the conveyor belt. As I reached for my eggs, the top came loose and the whole carton started to tumble. I hate the way they’re always cutting corners. Those egg cartons are so flimsy. I understand they’re trying to help the environment and all, but they need to go back to the drawing board. I mean, it’s not rocket science! 

Anyway, this handsome young bagging clerk came rushing around the cart, and would you believe that he managed to catch that carton in mid-air, just before it hit the ground? He was really on the ball!  

“Wow,” I said, batting my eyelashes in the most flirtatious manner, “That was a close call. Go figure, too, because normally I don’t put all of my eggs in one basket.

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.” he said, winking as he grinned. 

I decided to do something at the drop of a hat. “Would you care to join me for brunch?” I asked. My face felt flush and I knew that I’d bitten off more than I could chew. 

“Oh, sorry ma’am,” he answered. “I’m working all night, but I’ll take a rain check.”

I decided to throw caution to the wind. Handing him my business card, I purposely brushed my hand against his. “The ball is in your court.”

Wow, time flies when you’re having fun.

I need to hit the sack, but I’ll be back later to finish my story.

Until then,
Sleep tight!

To be continued…