Flowering Plum
by Janet

Spring is in the air…

Tiny blossoms are springing forth on the flowering plum tree. You have to look hard to find them, but they’re there. I think I’m wrapping up the Garden Art series with this one. It’s time to move on!

Speaking of things in the air… do you ever feel like a fraud? I don’t mean “fraudulent” as in committing dastardly crimes, I mean that strange sensation that you’re not who you think you are.

I’ve been in that kind of a funk lately. I think I’m going to journal my way through it. Not in one night. This baby might take a while. I can’t figure out if it’s that inner critic that I should ignore (the one that always tries to sabotage me) or if it’s that still small voice that I need to heed.

Honestly, I think a lot of it has to do with the two new jobs I just started. They are jobs that I took because they allow very minimal hours, but I have to say that they’re SO not me. Maybe going so far out of my comfort zone is what’s causing this fraud alert thing.

I mean, not only am I doing something that I’ve NEVER done before, I’m doing something that I don’t really care to do. It’s strictly for cash. And no it’s nothing illegal. 😉

I feel so strange when I go to work… like I should be looking over my shoulder to make sure no one I know sees me! Ha! Is that weird?? I don’t know. Now that I’m thinking this out loud, I think I’ll have to finish these thoughts later. It’s after midnight here and my mind is finished.

Has anyone else ever felt this way before?

Anyway, I know these thoughts have very little to do with the featured image, but then again… maybe they have everything to do with it. Spring is in the air! Time for cleaning—to get rid of useless crap. New things are waiting to be born—ready to flourish. That sounds like the perfect time!

If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it.

Thanks for reading!

I’ll be back to finish my thoughts later.

—Janet

Peace & Love!!

16 Comments

  2. To answer your question, yes, I have felt like a fraud many times before. It’s also called imposter syndrome. For me, it was a feeling that I’m not good enough and so I don’t belong. I somehow “lucked” into this graduate program or this job. What will happen when they find out I’m actually terrible at what I’m supposed to do. I can see how you might feel that way if you’re doing something you don’t want to do, also. It’s one thing to step out of your comfort zone (which can be a good thing), and another to pursue something that doesn’t align with your interests and values. It might take a few weeks at your jobs before you have a better understanding of why you feel this way. But do trust your gut, and listen to it. If the bad feeling persists, it might be a sign that this isn’t the right step for you.

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    1. And yes, I have felt very disjointed when I’ve worked at something strictly for the money. For me, the admission to myself that I felt the work was beneath me was an important revelation… and humbling.

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    2. Oh wow. Elizabeth this is great! I do feel they are beneath me to a certain degree. Like jobs you take out of high school when you’re 18. And it is a bit humbling that’s for sure.

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  4. A blossom through a raindrop brings me so beautifully inside that small world. Thank you for this image.
    As to feeling like a fraud- I am at the other end of the job dilemma. I am retired and I still feel like a very lucky fraud. How did I get to live in this place where I am taken care of: where my interests of singing, writing, meditation, and supporting our diverse community of elders to engage with full lives is met? I begin to see that finding my integrity no matter the worldly circumstances is an existential question that will keep me searching all my life. For me, that is also lucky and humbling and fulfilling. Perhaps it is my own morning raindrop view into the beautifully small.

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  5. Almost everyday. Often enough. Whenever I permit doubt to creep in. I feel Ike a fraud when I’m being a hypocrite. Untruthful. Tempted. Disingenuous. It’s fixable through awareness, self realization and recalibrating one’s compass. Writing helps. Prayer cures it. Wonderful post, Janet.

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    1. Yes! I like the idea of recalibrating my compass. I also feel disingenuous sometimes even if I’m not doing anything phony. Maybe just exaggerating. Writers have to exaggerate though. So many thoughts! Thank you Michael. 😎 <— me incognito lol.

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  7. Each of the seasons nourish my soul in a different way, but spring is definitely what’s need at the moment – signalling hope, and a warmer brighter future ahead 🔆🌾

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