Confessions: Part Three

In spite of all the madness in those days (the crazy 80’s), I held down a job for eight years until—eventually—I was laid off. It wasn’t a surprise. Life had gotten really ugly, and I was showing up late on a regular basis, or calling in sick altogether.

If I had to identify my first turning point, it was when I set foot in my career. Our landlord was a casual friend and a real estate broker. He literally walked through our door, and offered me a job. In all honesty, the method behind his madness was that he wanted us to pay our rent!

With all that’s ever happened—and looking back now—I’d have to call his job offer one of my first God Winks. I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds kind of harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity.

I learned my writing skills in that job. I was an innocent, untrained sheep, thrown to the wolves in the real estate world (that’s supposed to be humorous). I survived my plight by teaching myself how to distinguish fires, ease the minds of stressed out clients, and win negotiations by writing well thought out, cleverly worded, and clearly stated letters and emails.

My verbal skills? Not so much.

I took the job seriously, and eventually crept out of my shell. I learned how to interact with people face to face, and started gaining the confidence that I so desperately needed. The downside was that—for many years—it was like having multiple identities, or personalities. One for the office, one for socializing, and one for home (and so on).

Sometimes I wonder if that’s why alcoholics (or maybe just ME) tend to prefer isolation. It’s exhausting to have to put on a personality that suits the circumstance that you’re in. Like I said, it was never done intentionally—and it’s taken me a LONG time to see it for what it really was.

During my fourteen years at that office, I gained the strength and courage that I needed to escape my hellish marriage and find sobriety. I blossomed into a productive member of society. But I was STILL empty. I became a bit of a workaholic, did some MAJOR overspending, and began that never ending search for the man who never really existed (Mister Perfect).

The bottom line is that I was constantly trying to fill that void. I had an insatiable appetite and it was killing me:

More, More, MORE! You need MORE!!

Skip to Part Four


  1. I can so identify with you on the putting on various personalities, and the part about isolating, that’s many alcoholics’ MO! Boredom was my number one trigger. But years of trying to be someone I wasn’t, covering up smelling like booze from the drinking the night before–I wasn’t a nightly drinker (until I met the EX FROM HELL), but I was always hiding in the shadows. Love your sharing your story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. Yes, I think recovery is all about bringing things out in the open. Things we all have in common. Besides the booze. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Janet… I just found your blog from Doc Phoebe’s blog party. And I am so glad. I was immediately inspired by your posts, and I’m still browsing through them. I can really relate to what you said about how to write your story. I also want to share mine, but I’m still thinking about which parts to keep to myself and to share.

    Anyway, I really want to nominate you for the Valiant Blogger Award. You truly deserve it.

    Let me know what you think.

    And thank you for being an inspiration to many. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow that blew me away this morning. I am so glad my story inspires you. The award is a real honor. 😊 Thank you. I will take a look at your link. Thanks for the encouraging comment. So nice to hear!!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi Liz! I will gladly accept and pass it on. Just need a little time to think- on to whom, and what to write in 200 words. 😃❤

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Sure! No problem. Feel free to go over the 200 words, btw. (Some stories cannot be summarized within those numbers).

      And pass it on to as many people as you want, or even just a single one who you think deserves the recognition for braving out their circumstances now or in the past.

      I look forward to your post because I’m sure it will be as inspiring as the rest of your blog! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Hi Liz- I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about this. I needed to clear my head. 🙂 I’m going to work on it tomorrow (Tuesday). Blessings-

      Liked by 1 person

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