“The art of life is a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”

Okakura Kakuzō

I’m going abstract today because the thing that’s been on my mind lately is change. Transformation, modification, alteration… call it what you will. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes—and it is constant and never ending. That being said, I think that some of these words, or the descriptions that they imply, can be misleading.

When I began sharing my story, some 5+ years ago, the plot was pretty obvious (spoiler alert!). It was about how my life was transformed, from alcoholic / love addict, to who (or what) I am today, which is—at this moment—sober and single. The “single” part isn’t some sort of remedy or cure, it’s a biproduct of my new and improved understanding of love. Not all relationships are created equal. It’s Ok to wait for the right one—the healthy and functional one—not the one that’s just a quick fix, seducing me with the promise of a flood of dopamine and oxytocin in exchange for my soul. That’s a little extreme, but I think it illustrates my point.

Anyway, I had a major AHA moment the other day, about this nagging feeling that I get… that my story is forever falling short… that I can never quite reach that end point; the destination. Or in my case… the transformation.

I’ve been looking at it as though there is this person “who I was” (which is true—I know, because I actually “was” her), and then there is this other person that we heard about in the teaser… the person “who I have become.” The me that has been “transformed.”

The problem behind this idea of “transformation,” however, is that it signifies, or at least hints at the fact, that it is referring to something static. Like those transformer action figure toys that kids play with. They are robots, or dinosaurs, but then you can move the parts around a little here and there, and then… voila… they transform into a truck, or a car, or some other inanimate object.

I’m not a transformer toy, dammit, I am human. I may be able to change into a car one day, but come tomorrow or the next week, I may just want to be a boat! Don’t make me commit! I’m kidding, but I hope you get my drift. Living a good life, and being able to flow, evolve, and adapt is what it’s really all about.

Everyone has a “before,” we all know that. But there will never really be this static “after” that I’ve been waiting to write about, because life is about change, and change is constant. No wonder it feels as though my story will never end! And why should it? I hope that, God willing, this fluidity that I am blessed with—that we are ALL blessed with—will continue to flow within, and without, until I take my last breath.

Water is fluid, soft and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.

Lao Tzu

About My Image: I spent a day and a half playing around with what “fluidity” looks like to me. The result can be seen in the featured image, although it looks NOTHING like it did when I started out. That was the point I suppose. I sat down to create an image using Illustrator and my usual “perfectionistic ideas,” and then each time I believed that the image had come together… I deconstructed and then reassembled it. I guess you could call it “change in motion.”

That’s about all for now. I’ve got some more things to say about fluidity and change, and the upcoming new year (which is fast approaching)… so stay tuned!

Until then,
Peace & Love.

The Author of My Life

You know what I love the most about writing my story? 

New chapters. 

Fresh, white, clean pages–not yet colored with ink—lay crisp and uncreased, just waiting for me to pen something new. Something different. Something unique to my own story. 

I’m actually back to the rewriting of my original story, Unteach Me, and I’ve made it to Chapter Three: 

The Author of My Life

Ironically, the original post was published five years and four days ago… when I was just seven months sober.

Anyway, for those of you who already know me, I’m sure you also know that the author I’m always referring to here is God. Sometimes I wonder if that seems like an oxymoron to some people. You know… the fact that I say that He is the author of my life, yet day after day and year after year, here I am again… writing the script. 

I think a lot of people get confused about things like that. I read a book a few years back called Just Do Something, by Kevin DeYoung. He talks about how young Christians often live somewhat stagnant lives, waiting to hear that still small voice tell them what to do next; hoping to learn what God’s will is for them. I loved that book. Mainly because I was one of those people. Church, meetings, prayer… wait. Church, meetings, prayer… wait. That might work for some folks, especially those in their twenties, or even thirties, but for someone in their mid-fifties it’s a bit scary. Time is so precious!

The point that DeYoung makes is that you just need to do something. Anything (Well, almost anything). God isn’t worried so much about WHAT we become, He’s concerned about WHO we become. It’s not about whether or not I become a writer, or an artist, or a psychologist… or even if I decide to retire for that matter. God just wants my life to be lived right. To be good. To be full. It couldn’t get more perfect than that.   

So, as another old chapter of my life becomes history, another one lies ahead. Fresh, clean, crisp pages, full of anything and everything. A new chapter has begun… and it is just waiting to be written.

Amen to that.

On Another Note

One more thing. Since most of you now know me as “Janet,” I’m not sure this will even matter to you… but I’ve changed the name of my site. I am no longer Endless Rivers of Hope (although I do still swim in it!).

I thought long and hard about the writing (and rewriting) of my life story, and how it all started as my journey out of alcoholism. I had originally planned on calling it “A splash of mixer,” but after looking at all of the ingredients in my life, I knew exactly what it should be…

A Sprinkle of Faith.

That being said, I hope I’m still recognizable. It’s still me here. And welcome (back) to my newly (re)named site. I’m sure that many more changes are coming, but for now I’m going slow. There’s no rush here.

About the Image

I was rummaging through the internet and found some creatives who make art out of books. The featured image is my digital version of some of the pieces that I found. I think it’s an awesome idea—part image, part words—blended together to make a beautiful (extremely) short story. How cool is that?!

That’s about all for now. I hope you found something enjoyable here, something that made you laugh, or smile, or think positive. I’ll see you again soon…

Until then,
Peace & Love!

Rewriting Your Story

The Icing on the Cake

The original writing on this little piece of cyber real estate was published on October 3, 2016. It came to life when I was seven months sober, so it has been parked on WordPress for nearly five years—and it has served as the second mini-chapter of the tale of my recovery—a story that was titled “Unteach Me.”

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