by Janet

Confessions of a Chameleon

I had a great childhood. My parents never insisted that I be anyone other than myself. They never forced me to attend certain schools, or pursue a career of their choosing. They were a bit too overprotective—probably for a good reason—but other than that I was as free as a bird. The sky was the limit! In a sense.

Our family lived a quiet and simple life, and that’s all that I knew life to be. Nowadays I refer to it as having grown up in a bubble, but it was a very SAFE bubble. Their primary concern was that I finish high school, enjoy my youth, stay out of trouble, and one day be a happy, honest and responsible woman of integrity, just as they taught me to be.

So what was the problem? What stopped me from reaching for the moon?

I never learned self-confidence, and I was afraid.

The drinking started as fun. You know… teenage parties at night. Things like that. But I LOVED the way it gave me courage and that false sense of confidence.

With my tendency to always be in a HURRY, I left school before my senior year and began working full time at sixteen. I was pregnant at age twenty, married at twenty-three, and by age twenty-six I gave birth to my third son.

I drank and used drugs for years, almost daily, with my husband right there with me. I’d like to say that his addictions were far worse than mine, but maybe that’s not fair. I WILL say that he had an aggressive personality; lied compulsively; and was controlling and manipulative.

I didn’t believe in God, so I never really feared going to hell… but then again, I didn’t need to.

Hell had made its way to earth and was coming for ME.

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17 Comments

  1. Do you ever wonder if this is what you had to go through to find God? That maybe there was no other way? I know it sounds horrible to say that God made you go through this but that is what I believe my story is all about…. God made me go through those things – as horrible as they were – so I would find Him. Utterly and completely. I believe it hurt Him terribly to see me suffer but that He was there the whole time to make sure I came through in the end. With Him. Complete devotion. If my life had been easy and without struggle, I think my faith would not have been very strong and I might have lost it long ago.

    And now you have a powerful story that you can use to bring others to Him. You have lived it.

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    1. That is EXACTLY what I think. A wise man in my group says that every day we should remember how blessed we are that we were given the gift of belief through our trials. It’s exactly that. A gift. And no…if my life were easy, most likely I never would have turned to him. It was my time. I have so much more to get into. The good stuff like that. 🙂

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    1. If I had to sum it up now, as simply as possible, I’d say the problem stemmed from no belief in God and no direction or foundation. What saved me was finding God and learning to surrender. That’s the short of it. 🙂

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    3. It might have been sudden if I would have just opened my eyes, but I’m very stubborn and it took effort. Lots and lots of prayer- both my own and friends that I turned to. I had reached a point were I told my friend that I knew that I needed to find him. Long story. 🙂

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    1. Ok. I’ll be writing more, but yes… most of my story starts at the beginning of the blog. At the tab up top under pages I’ve got a link to the first post- then each next post kind of takes you through the things I went through and learned along the way.

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  5. Thank you for sharing. I always learn a little bit more of your story. 50 years to piece together.

    SOmehow your words reach deep …. ALWAYS

    a supernatural thing.

    You couldn’t try and make that real on your own if you tried. Simply a divine thing…..

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