Tag / self-acceptance

by Janet

No Strings Attached

Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

I absolutely love that quote. If I had to live by it—on the other hand—I’d be in big trouble. Ha! A part of me is joking, laughing at my own shortcomings; mainly my failure to finish many of the projects that I start, while another part of me—the softer side—is practicing self-love and acceptance.

Maybe I like the quote because it seems to know how I operate (and many of us perhaps). Moods can dictate our lives if we let them. Anyway… believe it or not, that was actually a lead into an update on my New Lifestyle, New Me project.

According to my calculations, it’s been 135 days since my journey began. If anyone remembers, by week two I had lost 5 pounds and purchased my fitness tracker… naively looking forward to counting my daily steps, and stepping my way into weight loss.

AND THEN WE WERE QUARANTINED.

Now, I’m not complaining or spouting out excuses here… but this shit is crazy! In the course of my walk with God, and my recovery over the past 4 years and 4 months, I think that—for the first time ever—I fully understand the serenity prayer, and what Paul really meant in Philippians 4:11 “… for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

I’ve grown accustomed to “unforeseen” circumstances, but never could I have imagined something of this magnitude. Of course, I’m not sure if the virus is the REAL culprit for the major interruption, but let’s just say—for the sake of keeping it simple—that it is.

I like to think creatively. What that means—to me—is that when the unforeseen comes my way, I figure out ways to adapt to it. Commitment may mean staying loyal to what I said I was going to do but that doesn’t mean I can’t change the end goal!

Honestly, I gained the 5 pounds back, and a few more on top of that since quarantine set in. Am I upset with myself? Not at all. I’ve had a lot of time to think. I realized that every time I sit down to look at my life, I try to think of ways to make myself better! I’m all for personal “growth,” don’t get me wrong, but what’s wrong with me the way that I am??

That being said, I’d have to say that my New Lifestyle, New Me project looks a little different today. I still want to make healthier choices, and I still want to avoid being sedentary, but the end goal, the thing that I really hope to achieve, is to love and accept myself, unconditionally… no strings attached.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.

Brené Brown
by Janet

Magical Makeovers

—A Page in My Journal

My best friend went to cosmetology school when she was eighteen, and I was the brave subject of her very first “perm.” It looked pretty BAD, but eventually my hair grew out. Over the years that followed (or decades I should say), she became the extremely talented hairdresser that she is today.

For many of those years, although she did exactly what I had asked her to do, I’d come away from her shop feeling slightly disappointed. Sometimes I wondered if it was just MY hair that never seemed to come out “just like” the pictures that I would bring her.

I don’t know why it took her so many years to say it; but finally one day when we were discussing my dissatisfaction, she said that sometimes people come in believing that their new color or cut will make them look just like “the woman” in the photographs that they bring in, but that just isn’t the case. And it certainly isn’t a reality.

All I can say is that I love my friend dearly—and her honesty—and she really got through to me that day. Getting my hair cut to look like Jennifer Aniston’s latest style will NOT make me look like “Jennifer Aniston.” Such a simple fact, but it took my friend’s directness to make me grasp that truth.

Today I read a post by another blogger, and I had an “Aha!” moment. I realized that sometimes I’m still looking for those “magical” makeovers—just not with my hair. I get trapped into thinking that if I do the right things, I’ll suddenly be “someone else.”

I’ll no longer procrastinate or stay in my sweats until late in the afternoon. I’ll be able to function without coffee. I’ll be a designer, a writer… or perhaps a cage fighter. (Hey, stranger things have happened!)

The point is that I’m beginning to see why I struggle with follow-through. I envision that “someone else” that I expect to resemble, and… well… I’m still me. I’m not Jillian Michaels in the gym, or [insert name here] anywhere else. And when I realize that I haven’t “magically” transformed into someone else, I feel that same disappointment I felt when I left my friend’s hair salon. Then I change directions—or I give up.

As I thought about these things, a phrase from recovery came to mind: “Just for today.”

So I embraced “who I am,” instead of “who I want to be,” and I did the things that I love. I didn’t try to function without my coffee, and I stayed in my sweats way too long. And I was a writer… just for today.

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

Dr. Seuss

Sometimes I think Dr. Seuss had it all figured out.

—Janet

by Janet

The Shape I’m In

Everywhere I wandered,

I saw circles… and I saw squares.

As I walked alone,

These perfect shapes all walked in pairs.

Feeling asymmetrical,

I longed to fit the norm.

I stretched and pulled, and bent myself,

While trying to conform.

But it was all in vain, you see…

My shape was never wrong.

I’ve embraced this form God gave me,

And it’s a joy to be oblong.

Well, I finally did it. My first writing inspired by the Word of the Day Challenge: Oblong. 

It feels a little naked without a featured image, but that’s OK. It’s nice to change things up once in a while and I didn’t want to end up focusing on that all day. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it… and that this is the first of more to come. 

Have a beautiful day!