Tag / Reflections

by Janet

Circling Around Again

“We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.”

—T.S. Eliot

I’ll be honest here. I wasn’t sure what this line from T.S. Eliot’s “Little Gidding” was about, so I Googled it. And I’m still not sure. Ha! Maybe the beauty of these words—or any words for that matter—has more to do with what they mean to “us,” rather than what they meant to the writer who penned them.

I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. My sleep pattern is off and most days I feel hungover half the day. That really sucks when you don’t drink. School has been weird as well. I find myself feeling self-conscious during Zoom classes (I hate those things), and I’m constantly obsessing later—worrying about something I said or did during the session. Why am I so worried? Because I feel hungover and my mind is in a fog? Or is it because I’m on camera all throughout class and I’m wondering who watches the reruns?! I really can’t say for sure.

But in thinking about it this afternoon, and trying to talk myself down—off the ledge of worry—I thought about what I’ve learned throughout my journey, many times over.

“In another day, or maybe even a week… you won’t remember this worry. None of it will matter.”

That is truth right there.

No matter what importance we give something in the moment, it is temporary. Everything is temporary. Life is temporary.

Maybe when we start to feel too surefooted, some internal (or external) force gives us a nudge, reminding us that we are human—and that change can (and will) sneak up on us and surprise us at anytime. Struggles are inevitable. And when they happen, we go back to square one. Back to the beginning. And we know this place. So we circle around again, but this time, the hard things are a little easier. We’re a little smarter. A little tougher.

That’s my interpretation. For tonight anyway.

For my featured image… I wanted to go back to something simple. I found a rose that I had photographed a few years back and I gave it new life. It’s the same old rose, but from a new perspective. I think I could get lost in that flower. It’s intricate, delicate, fragile, and unbelievably beautiful. Just like life.

Thank you for looking or reading,
I hope you enjoyed!

by Janet

Reflections

PART ONE

The first thing that I noticed about my featured image—once I finished it, uploaded it, and was able to see it up close and personal—were the imperfections. Some lines too thick, some too thin, and a few that need smoothing. I think some of that happened when I added the lighting effect. Regardless, I had to laugh at my nitpicking because that is my default response and my writing prompt tonight was leading me right in that direction. It was like some weird kind of self-fulfilled prophecy!

Tonight my prompt is to imagine myself looking at my reflection, and to describe what I see and any emotions that it evokes. I was excited to try another stained glass image, so I found one that was fairly simple so I could do it quickly. When I pondered what I would say when I saw my reflection, I thought about the things that I normally tell myself… “damn girl your hair looks bad,” or “wow, is that a pimple?? Another age spot??” I know I’m not alone when it comes to this kind of “reflection self-talk,” because a lot of women are prone to it. At least the women that I know.

When I noticed the line imperfections in my image I had to laugh. My mind was churning in the same fashion that it does when I notice a wrinkle!

Anyway, I don’t think this prompt should be about outer beauty. That’s too easy. Or maybe too cliché. So… I’m going to think on this one for twenty-four hours and then write it. I think PART ONE was about realizing how quick I am to find fault in myself, or my work, or my art. So PART TWO will be to write the things that I would like to say to myself, or the things that I need to hear. I think I’m worthy of that. We are all worthy of that. As I read earlier this week…

“You are amazing…

Own that shit.”

See you tomorrow for PART TWO. Feel free to use the prompt if you feel the urge!

by Janet

I’m Reminded

I’m reminded,

Of my younger days… 

Growing up,

Was on my mind… 

A house, 

A yard, 

And picket fence.

The perfect mate, 

I hoped to find. 

I’m reminded,

Of growing older…

Staying young,

Was my desire…

Smooth skin,

Thin shape,

Longevity.

The extra income,

That this required.

I’m reminded,

Of how far I’ve come…

Looking back,

With peace today…

Presence,

Wisdom,

And awareness…

That I’ve been wishing,

My life away.

My poem is my brief version of what’s been on my mind lately. I’m tired of thinking. Ha! I’ve been focused on my Quarantine Collection and pondering the things that I’m coming to appreciate through all of it, and it finally hit me that what I really need to do right now is just STOP.

More often than not, our best ideas and experiences come to us when we’re least expecting them. We need to keep our thoughts positive—and that I truly believe—but we can’t manufacture joy or gratitude. These things come through living, not through thinking.

Anyway, the phrase “wishing my life away” has been circling round my brain and driving me nuts. My poem (and my featured image) was my way of finally expressing it. I’m leaving tomorrow to visit my sister for a week, as my summer semester has ended, and I’m not only looking forward to hanging out with her, but to her wonderful A/C. All I can say is… Yahooo!!

I may or may not post while I’m there, but I will definitely have my camera in hand while I’m enjoying some new scenery.

Until next time,
Peace & Love, and Thank You for Reading!

Word of the Day Challenge: Reminded

My featured image is a new portrait piece that I experimented with this morning. I hope you’re able to make out the girls in the photograph. It’s always hard to know. I see them because I know they are there, but fresh eyes may or may not recognize them all.