Tag / self-awareness

by Janet

Fairytale’s End

Green eyed and fair haired,

Irish maiden waits in vain,

Alone, evermore.

By no means did I plan on popping back in and being a downer… it’s JUST a haiku. Saying that makes me think of my mom. Whenever we watch our shows she’s always asking me… “why did this person do that, or why did that person do this? I’m like… well… because it’s in the script. It’s JUST a show mom. She cracks me up.

I suppose my haiku does sound a little sad, but it really depends on your perspective. Maybe she’s actually joyful because she’s realized that she doesn’t need a partner to be whole. Maybe she’s discovered that the fairytale she was dreaming of all of her life was just that… an imaginary story. A myth. I think it’s the “happily ever after” part that leads most people astray. Believing that everything will be better when you find “the one” is a recipe for disaster.

Anyway, I have another chapter of my story to rewrite, and I’m really excited about it, but it’s taking some time. I hope to be back with that by the end of the month.

Until then, peace & love and thanks for reading!

Written for Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: Ever and More

Blossoms
by Janet

Faded Blues

The authentic self is the soul made visible.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

This photograph reminds me of my favorite pair of jeans— a nice shade of blue; comfortable and worn; and the perfect amount of fade. I love jeans. I have more jeans than I care to admit. Styles and sizes vary.

Jeans make me feel authentic.

When I’m in my jeans, I’m free to be me (sounds like a commercial). I can sit, stand, walk, hike, run, climb or dance… and everything feels right.

Formal attire, on the other hand, has the opposite effect. It feels like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes—clothes that don’t belong to me. Formal wear feels inauthentic to me.

Which brings me back to feeling like a fraud. I thought I’d journal, and start where it all starts—in my mind. The quote made me laugh because I thought of something that happens a lot (so there’s some humor here too).

I really AM an authentic person. I am more transparent than what most normal people would consider “socially acceptable.” In other words, I talk way too much about things that—perhaps—should be private. Not just on the blog… in the face to face world too.

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think this “feeling like a fraud” thing has anything at all to do with being phony or inauthentic. So, that answers that. I’m no phony bologna. 🙂

What the quote made me think about is self-perception. That is where one form of this misalignment starts (and yes, there are others). I really do feel as though my soul is made visible, and—in my humble opinion—my soul is pretty easy on the eyes! She’s friendly, bubbly, youthful, joyful, healthy and full of energy and life. And my soul is always smiling.

I can’t really describe how I envision my soul, but somewhere in my subconscious—for reasons I can’t explain—she is radiant. She sparkles, and she glows. So… what happens? I walk by a mirror or a window and I see my reflection.

And suddenly I’m like “HUH? Who is that?!”

I’m not dissing myself here. All I’m saying is that my ideas about me, and the me that I see in front of me… well, they aren’t a perfect match. So, this begs the question… which one is right?

That’s all for now. It’s late again.

Thanks for reading!! I’ll pick up where I left off another time.

—Janet

by Janet

No News is Good News

The Journey Continues…

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my journal. On the one hand, it means that nothing exciting (or newsworthy) has been going on. On the other hand—and more importantly—the old idiom rings true: No news is good news.

Today marks 1,229 days of sobriety… so that’s good news!

Continue reading →