“The art of life is a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”

Okakura Kakuzō

I’m going abstract today because the thing that’s been on my mind lately is change. Transformation, modification, alteration… call it what you will. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes—and it is constant and never ending. That being said, I think that some of these words, or the descriptions that they imply, can be misleading.

When I began sharing my story, some 5+ years ago, the plot was pretty obvious (spoiler alert!). It was about how my life was transformed, from alcoholic / love addict, to who (or what) I am today, which is—at this moment—sober and single. The “single” part isn’t some sort of remedy or cure, it’s a biproduct of my new and improved understanding of love. Not all relationships are created equal. It’s Ok to wait for the right one—the healthy and functional one—not the one that’s just a quick fix, seducing me with the promise of a flood of dopamine and oxytocin in exchange for my soul. That’s a little extreme, but I think it illustrates my point.

Anyway, I had a major AHA moment the other day, about this nagging feeling that I get… that my story is forever falling short… that I can never quite reach that end point; the destination. Or in my case… the transformation.

I’ve been looking at it as though there is this person “who I was” (which is true—I know, because I actually “was” her), and then there is this other person that we heard about in the teaser… the person “who I have become.” The me that has been “transformed.”

The problem behind this idea of “transformation,” however, is that it signifies, or at least hints at the fact, that it is referring to something static. Like those transformer action figure toys that kids play with. They are robots, or dinosaurs, but then you can move the parts around a little here and there, and then… voila… they transform into a truck, or a car, or some other inanimate object.

I’m not a transformer toy, dammit, I am human. I may be able to change into a car one day, but come tomorrow or the next week, I may just want to be a boat! Don’t make me commit! I’m kidding, but I hope you get my drift. Living a good life, and being able to flow, evolve, and adapt is what it’s really all about.

Everyone has a “before,” we all know that. But there will never really be this static “after” that I’ve been waiting to write about, because life is about change, and change is constant. No wonder it feels as though my story will never end! And why should it? I hope that, God willing, this fluidity that I am blessed with—that we are ALL blessed with—will continue to flow within, and without, until I take my last breath.

Water is fluid, soft and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.

Lao Tzu

About My Image: I spent a day and a half playing around with what “fluidity” looks like to me. The result can be seen in the featured image, although it looks NOTHING like it did when I started out. That was the point I suppose. I sat down to create an image using Illustrator and my usual “perfectionistic ideas,” and then each time I believed that the image had come together… I deconstructed and then reassembled it. I guess you could call it “change in motion.”

That’s about all for now. I’ve got some more things to say about fluidity and change, and the upcoming new year (which is fast approaching)… so stay tuned!

Until then,
Peace & Love.