Putting On…

My Big Girl Pants.

I thought it was time I did that.

Not much in my life has changed since I wrote about how I’ve been feeling lately, in my “Phony Baloney” post. Except for one thing.

My mindset.

Oh, and the fact that I decided that my Phony Baloney “fake” NFT idea was a silly proposal, so I canned the idea. That’s not to say that I’m not going to look into creating some real NFT’s down the road, but that’s another thought for another day.

I decided it was time to stop wallowing in my own misery (or boredom), and do something about it. It’s time to start focusing on the good things in life again. I started reading a Bible plan a while back and it was talking about not giving the enemy a seat at your table. It’s weird how our own thoughts really ARE the enemy. At times.

My son’s friend recommended a book to him recently called The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery, by Brianna Wiest. I haven’t read it, or even looked into it yet, but the title “The Mountain is You” really hit home. There’s a lot of finger pointing going on these days, and I think I got caught in the middle of it, blaming my negative feelings on other people, politics, viruses, money, etc., but the fact of the matter is… the mountain is ME.

I thought I would put on my big girl pants tonight and do a little artwork to start retraining my brain. Life and time are so precious, and I hate to waste another minute feeling humdrum.

I gave the girl in my piece some big girl pants of her own, and a little montage look to represent the ups and downs, and the complexities of life. It reminded me of one of those weird circus mirrors that make you look distorted. That’s kind of how I see our minds working… distorting our thoughts that will lead us to great things, or to terrible things… depending on how we allow it to reflect. I choose what I see, so I choose to see the good.

Speaking of that, my 6 year sobriety birthday came and went in March without my mentioning it, so I thought I would use that as my first statement of gratitude this evening. 6 years alcohol free. Yahoo! My oldest son had a birthday recently as well, and he just turned 39. So, I’m not just sober now… I am getting OLD. Ha! Age is just a number.

Anyway, I had a good time doing my project this evening and I’m happy to report that I feel better already. It’s all about perspective I guess.

That’s about all for now.

Peace & love, and remember… don’t give the enemy a seat at your table!

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Emotions: Joy

Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.

—Emily Dickinson

I’ve been thinking a lot about the purpose of my blog. What is it exactly? I know, right?

I’ve had many objectives since I started—from journaling about the story of my recovery, to photography, art, poetry, a bit of fiction (still with no endings), and an attempt at a health & lifestyle makeover (that I may resume privately in the future).

These constant and never ending transitions illustrate perfectly what I was referring to in my previous post, Fluidity. I’ll never commit to just one purpose in life… and that is final.

Anyway, I enjoy working with prompts and/or challenges because they inspire me to think and to express myself, whether it be written or visual. I’ve used the alphabet twice and can give you 26 reasons why I won’t be doing that again. So that is out.

One thing I know about myself (and my artistic creations) is that my emphasis is always on learning and experimenting with techniques. I guess you could say that my analytical side takes the wheel. What I find difficult with visuals, on the other hand, is letting go and expressing myself freely. My creative side likes to sit back and let the analytical half do all the work.

So… I thought I would challenge myself and see if I could create feelings or emotions without getting all caught up in the tools that I use and so on. And tonight we have my first attempt: JOY.

In all honesty, I failed the challenge. Originally. I set out to create LOVE, and I think that my art actually shows how I feel when I’m in love (or infatuated), but the dancer is all alone and it reminds me of my misadventures in love… all giddy and unaware of the dangers that lie ahead.

As I thought about it, however, I realized that I still experience the feeling that I used to get whenever I thought that I was falling in love… and that feeling is joy. Only now there are no strings attached, and no love-sick hangovers to get through.

Joy is wonderful… and it makes me feel like dancing.

When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.



If feels like the dead of winter,

The leaves, they have lost their hues. 

Birds are refusing to sing, and…

The sun has a case of the blues.

The streets, once bustling with magic,

Cry out as the chill rushes in.

Aching, like a jilted lover…

Waiting to love once again.

I’ve been working on a new resolution to start a new series… “Write Something New Every Day,” and I decided that today was the perfect time to get my show on the road. While my original objective was to focus on things that were cheery and upbeat (it is almost Christmas, after all), my senses told me to go with the flow and simply express how I was feeling. And tonight—I am freezing! Of course, my poem might actually be about my mood, or the current state of the world (or at least Los Angeles), but I think I’ll leave it open for interpretation.

I have to say that, although I’ve been procrastinating this writing venture, I’ve literally been writing for hours—and days—working on a 9 to 12 page paper on the history of psychology that is due Sunday. At the risk of sounded sassy and ungrateful… yawn!! Anyway, my head has been in the books and staring at the computer screen all day, so this was a much needed break and the perfect “mental” getaway. The photo/art was a little something just to get me in the mood. I did all sorts of alterations until it looked like how I was feeling… a little dull, but threatening to show some color.

I hope you enjoyed it!

If all goes as planned… I’ll be back to write again very soon.

Peace & Love!!