Exposed

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Having bared his soul,
He stands alone now, naked,
Waiting for judgment.

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I have to tell you that last night, after writing about my decision to leave school, I felt happier than I have in a long time. I think it’s a peaceful happy, too.

It’s not because I won’t have to study anymore (although that, too, feels great), but because I know that – for awhile – I will have more free time.

I’m not sure what I’ll do with all of that time, but my plan is to take some road trips around the country, and then decide what’s next.

In my current class, we had to do some reflections based on what we have learned about our ‘parts’ through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy.

Something that I worked to address was my nasty bitch of a self-critic (sorry, but she is one), and I think I’ve finally realized that this particular part tries to keep me down because of fear – not of failure, but of success.

It’s not because I feel I don’t deserve it. It’s because I have no idea what that success would even look like, and so – in my mind – it is a deep, dark, abyss. That unknown thing is what scares me (or a part of me, anyway).

I think that realizing this has helped me already, because I know that I don’t have to listen to or believe that critic when she tells me that I am not good at the things I’d like to pursue. She is just scared.

Also, in thinking hard about what might frighten me about being a therapist, I have to confess that I may have come to the realization that it’s just not something I want to do.

I would like to explore work in the field of addiction, but that idea will have to simmer for a bit while I enjoy life.

For now, I am going to play around for awhile and see where life takes me. I’m still interested in the arts, and next week I’m going to start a weaving class because I’d love to learn how to weave. Plus I’m going to play around with my old unfinished stories, so I will never run out of projects, that’s for sure.

Anyway, that’s enough talk about me (again). I guess this has been self-reflection week for me… which leads me to my image. I had a photograph that inspired me on this one, and I loved how simple it was.

I added the frame with a slight drop shadow so it was an image within a canvas, and when I was saving it I realized that the shadow of the tree lingered down off of the framed in area. That became one of my happy accidents, which I did not fix, because I like how it fools the eye.

Lastly, I thought I’d write the Haiku because I wanted to call the image The Naked Tree, but then the word Exposed came to mind and I thought it was more mysterious.

I thought how the tree looked vulnerable, and it reminded me of how we often feel when we open up to another person about our mistakes or wrong doings. Will we receive acceptance, or will we be judged?

I think the Haiku with the image is self-explanatory, so you probably didn’t need that explanation. But, I also thought that the tree and Haiku might represent what I sometimes feel like after I publish a post. Ha-Ha! How will this post be judged? That is the question.

Anyway… I think that’s all for now. I’ll probably take a short break after this as I have things to catch up on, so… until next time…

Peace & Love!!