Fragility

“Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.” —Søren Kierkegaard

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Before I talk about the image, I want to say something. For those of you who know what it’s like to have an addiction… be it the drink, the drug, food, or some kind of behavior… you might be able to relate a little better than those who do things in moderation quite naturally.

I think I’m figuring out what’s wrong with me lately. I’ve got the blogging bug. Hear me out. I don’t care if bloggers post once a month, once a day, or even six times a day (to each his own!) but, for my own sanity, I’ve been overdoing it.

I’m sure it’s that dopamine thing, like when people can’t get enough of Facebook or Instagram because they get a rush when they get a Like or a new follower, or whatever else it is that they might be looking for.

Obviously I’m not addicted to Likes on WordPress or I’d be going through some serious withdrawals right now (hahaha!), but I think the desire for dopamine is at play – which might also be dictating my moods.

I either get that hit of dopamine (happy camper!) or I don’t (boo hoo). I may get that feel good sensation because I like what I did. Or because I finished something that wasn’t easy. And sometimes it’s because I like what I wrote.

And when I say overdoing it, it’s not about “how often,” it’s about how I feel about what I’m putting out there. It’s kind of like that saying, “Before you say something, ask yourself… is it true? Kind? Necessary? Helpful? … if the answer is no, maybe you should not say it.”

Sometimes I post when that answer was no (except the TRUE part! I never lie on here). It’s kind of like sometimes I used to drink even when I knew that I shouldn’t. Regardless of these two very different scenarios, the feeling is similar. And there’s no dopamine reward, just something that feels a bit like guilt, or shame. That’s when my mood tanks.

Anyway… I know there’s a fix, if I can hold myself accountable, and that is to love what I post. And that reminds me of those signs you see at Diners, in front of the grill area where the servers pick up the food, “If you’re not proud of it, DON’T SERVE IT.” Something like that.

Which is funny because I’ve made mental notes about that sign when I’ve been served bad food at a certain Diner near me. I think the sign’s been hanging there so long that the staff doesn’t even acknowledge it anymore!

So, my image is an upcycle. It’s a manipulation of a photo that I shared HERE. I gave the old version a finger-painting effect, and then drew the lines in Illustrator – based upon the original photograph. Then I used an effect in Photoshop to give the lines a silvery look. I love it!

I’m trying to change how I think about things, and when I saw how fragile the petals looked it was perfect. Like Kierkegaard said in his quote, “Life is a mystery to be lived.” I want to analyze less, and live more, and blog only when I love what I post.

And I do love my image, and I’m happy about what I’ve discovered, so I’m right on track tonight. One day at a time, as they say in the program. I think that’s about all for now!

Thank you so much for viewing or reading. I hope you found something enjoyable here!

Until later,
-Janet