This is my take on another photograph from my recent trip to the zoo. It was actually a moving light that shone on the concrete walkway to form what I believe is a rose, or some other type of flower.
I used a paint effect to accentuate the lines a little. It’s not one of my favorites, but I thought it went really well with the Word of the Day challenge, the word being kinky; as in “having kinks or twists.”
I had to mention this definition because I had several thoughts earlier, when I tossed around all of the ideas that came to mind when I read the word “kinky.” After pondering for a bit, I decided that transparency was an excellent title for my post because, in all honesty, the thoughts that came to my mind had nothing to do with flowers!
What I’m trying to say is that I started thinking about honesty, authenticity and transparency—and I realized how I put certain restrictions on myself when I share here.
In my own defense, I sort of set the tone for things when I first decided to share my story about getting sober and finding God. And even though things morphed into photography and art, as well as other little tidbits, I try to stay within certain boundaries.
When I had to write and turn in journals for the last English class I took, I enjoyed it so… SO much! I noticed how free I felt when I was writing for just “one” reader—my professor—and I have to say that I wrote whatever I was thinking. Even better, not once did I experience writers block.
All that being said, I think that in coming into this “new” life I’m now living, sometimes I struggle with the differences between the old me and the new me. Well, that’s not exactly true; this is not an inward struggle I’m talking about. I wrestle over what I will or will not share, because of how I want to present myself here.
As that thought came to me, I realized that censoring myself is like being phony—it’s anything BUT authentic and transparent.
I think there are so many great things I could write about if I could just let that wall down and write whatever it is that’s on my mind… the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Or the kinky.
a sprinkle of faith 
Comments
6 responses to “Transparency”
Enjoyed the whole write. I agree how letting the walls down can be challenging as if one safe reader wasn’t hard enough to come by. Trust is so vitally important to good writing, or so I think. And not just trust with our unknown potential readers but ourselves.
I learned to write as if I wanted to tell myself something or anything I hadn’t known but need to or realized long before that particular day. Then I title my message and set it aside in that obscure secret folder. In time I slowly overcome my own censoring behind a moniker enough that I trust posting one of those writings with only slight reluctance. I think due in part to finding a small amount of welcoming readers, few of which ever comment, and so I tell myself if no one is complaining- everything must good.
I see the rose your referring in your light and dark photograph, how apropos. But I also see the abyss, that place of self sequestering where I was first inspired to write and learn myself but mostly God until I was lead up and out via that kinky stairway to emerge into the light as a more trusting writer and believer, just as I was just speaking about.
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Wow, you really are good with words. I love the “kinky stairway to emerge into the light” reference. Wish I had thought of that! 🙂 Everything you said makes sense. The idea of filing things away for awhile before posting is a fantastic idea, and you actually helped me realize that one of my biggest problems writing for the blog is timing.
For some reason I always rush my writing when I am writing for the blog. I feel like there is a time factor involved, or a deadline. Maybe that’s the curse of the word of the day challenge though. And I usually end up working on posts sometime close to midnight lol.
Thank you for your thoughts/comment. My best writing has always been done over the course of a slow simmering period, when I wrote as if I was writing for myself only, and you’ve reminded me that I need to slow down and do that again. When I do it right, I experience not only my best writing, but my best times of growth and discovery as well.
Thank you so much, and have a beautiful day!
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Glad to have been some help. I myself have MS Office so its easy to copy and paste anytime. I agree, Words of the day can seem a bit more stressful but in time I’ve found the stress dissipates. Best of luck…
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I loved this part of your post…” I wrestle over what I will or will not share, because of how I want to present myself here. As that thought came to me, I realized that censoring myself is like being phony—it’s anything BUT authentic and transparent.”
I have been wrestling with similar thoughts myself. No one really knows all of me, just parts that I allow them to see…different people see different parts of me, but no one sees all of me. I can truly relate to your words and the bright light and deep shadows in your photograph. Nicely done.
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Thank you! I appreciate your comment and it’s reassuring (in a weird way) that I’m not the only one who feels that way—and that my post actually made sense. Late at night it’s hard to tell sometimes. 🙂 In reality, no one is obligated to share “everything,” especially on a public blog, but I thought the same thing you did… it also applies to life and face to face interactions. Anyway, I could go on and on, but think I may save it for another post another day. 🙂 Thanks again!
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What a beautiful and wonderous story you have and are
Xox
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